“Xwkogibw” is “Celphone” if you touchtype poorly

I’ve finally had enough “gee, wouldn’t it be convenient if there were a functioning telephone in my hand right about now” moments that it’s seeming like it’s time for me to buy one. That, and the fact that walmart has them in blister-packs of seven suggests that I may be a wee bit behind the curve here.

I know nothing about these newfangled devices, other than that the whole process seems to be a lot more complicated than it needs to be. These are my criteria:

• It should kinda work in the Berkshires, so far as that’s possible.
• Bells and whistles not necessary; I don’t want a PIM/camera/gameconsole/cheese-grater thing with telephonic capabilities thrown in as an afterthought. Just a phone. (Ok, a camera would be nice, but not the rest.)
• I loathe bad UI.
• I won’t buy anything from Sony, on general principle.

Other than that, it’s shoulders to the sky shrugorama. So, any advice from you highly technologically savvy friends of mine?