In which I explain the Internet


This is what websites are for:

  • Twitter is good for #overhearing half of @otherpeoples conversations abbreviated to the point of #incomprehensibility.
  • Facebook is good for being inundated with requests to help other people play FarmVille, and for scattering your user data across the web.
  • LinkedIn is good for being reminded about how bad you are at writing a resume, or at this “networking” thing you’re supposed to be able to do.
  • LiveJournal is good for ranting in semi-private about your boss, co-workers, employees, or health status, whichever is appropriate.
  • DreamWidth is good for sucking away half of your LiveJournal friends so you never know which site to post on anymore.
  • Shutterfly is good for posting pictures of your baby.
  • Flickr is good for being reminded that good photographs are really hard to make.
  • YouTube is good for finding goofy videos of cats or of Christopher Walken dancing, which you can show to your baby over and over and over.
  • (YouTube comment threads are good for promoting despair over the state of human prejudice and literacy.)
  • Vimeo is good for finding artsy short films, and for blowing through your daily bandwidth allotment in half an hour.
  • MetaFilter is good for arguing about politics with people you will never meet.
  • Ask MetaFilter is good for being reminded that there are lots of people in the world who are much worse at coping with it than you are.
  • This website is good for attracting comment spam.

I’m pretty sure that’s the whole internet. Did I miss anything important?