Bedridden

First in a series tentatively entitled “In Which Daniel Gets Old And Eventually Dies”

So yesterday I was engaging in that highly dangerous and error-prone activity known as “sitting down in a chair.” You know that thing they say, that 90% of all accidents occur in the home: well, when you work at home that number moves a lot closer to 100%.

Therefore today, and for the rest of this week at least, I am to remain horizontal. Or standing straight up. Either of those is fine, but anything in between is just asking for trouble. Or to be more precise, asking for sharp twinges of pain that run from my lower back all the way down to the knees, plus grunts and facial expressions that make the dog really anxious.

And what’s striking me most is how little an effect it’s going to have on my day-to-day life. If I worked in an office, the week would be a total write-off — I can barely get into a car, let alone drive anywhere. But all we had to do was rearrange the furniture a bit, and I’m happily curled up in bed, working. (Okay, blogging. I’m transitioning from conference call to actual work, so cut me some slack.) The only difference between this and a normal workday is which room I’m in, plus the fact that if I get thirsty Emily will bring me a drink. (She’s been a champ about all this, I have to say. She even tied my shoes this morning so we could go to the doctor, because I couldn’t reach.) Maybe it’s just the painkillers talking, but I’m actually having a pretty good time.

UPDATE: Speaking of painkillers, this is a direct quote from the patient information packet that came with the bottle:

Store the US product at room temperature between 68-77 degrees F (20-25 degrees C.) Store the Canadian product at room temperatures between 59-86 degrees F (15-30 degrees C).

What the huh? Are Canadian drugs just more robust than US drugs? Do Canadians have a more expansive definition of “room temperature”? Do drug temperature sensitivities somehow depend on latitude? (“Store the Ecuadorian product at room temperatures between 73.40-73.45 degrees F (40.77-40.80 degrees C).”)