Targeted advertising

Let's describe ourselves as though the ads we see on Facebook were perfectly targeted!

I'll start: I'm deeply into exercise and mail-order testosterone (which may explain my uncontrollable hair loss). I dress exclusively in high-performance activewear, which matches my LED-spangled gaming chair, which goes great with the mid-century modern reproductions I use to decorate my custom-built live-in van. I also hate cooking and have a wide variety of highly particular food restrictions, so I have all my meals delivered online. I'm deeply in debt, but need more loans to fund my stock trading adventures, my fascination with luxury celebrity lifestyles, and my ever-growing collection of memory foam mattresses. My cheeks are smooth af, and my earwax smells fantastic.

How about you?