Seasonal

Yesterday morning I was in the middle of telling Emily that I couldn't figure out why I was so unsettled and grumpy, when the sun suddenly poked a glimpse through the autumn gloom and my whole attitude lifted automatically in response. Bodies are such untrustworthy implements to have entrusted with carrying around our selves. So many existential crises that turn out to actually just be a shortage of lumens or of calories or, like, a hard to reach itch. It's absurd.

This morning, therefore, I am squinting by the window, soaking up photons to stave off another day of what is turning out to be an unusually tenacious bout of seasonal depression. (It's absurd. I can scroll back through my posting history here and elsewhere and see chipper guy, happy guy, everything is fine and groovy then comes September and the sun starts to go away and like clockwork it's OH GOD THE DESPAIR WHAT WHY IS MY LIFE for a month or two until I remember what's causing it and go back on the meds. Then eventually the chemistry set inside my skull corrects itself and I can unmedicate and I'm fine again. Like clockwork. It's ridiculous.)

Fuckin' photons. How do they work?